1. |
Truth Be Told
03:44
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We are tired slaves to our remorse. Of feeling hatred since divorce.
They were never meant to be as one, and my mom spent nineteen years on the run.
I'm like my mother is and worse. Seems my depression is a curse.
I only wish there were a cure, 'cause I hate how those pills had made me turn.
I just wanna go home, I've been here for way to long.
Now getting drunk's the only way that I have fun.
Keep me from falling asleep 'cause I don't wanna sleep all day.
I will drink three Steel Reserves so I can keep the dreams away.
Keep away!
I bargained with the devil and I lost at far too young an age to know the cost.
A picture perfect family was meant for my father, not for me.
MY family's with the misfits like my heart, and my friends the type to sleep in shopping carts.
To be alone is to have peace, but loneliness is a disease.
I'll meet halfway, sit at a bar. My daddy chose the bank, I chose guitar.
I just wanna go home! I've been here for way too long.
Now getting stoned's the only way that I have fun.
Keep me from falling asleep, 'cause I just know I'll sleep all day.
I will drink three Steel Reserves so I can keep the dreams away.
Keep away!
I bargained with affection and I lost. Now I'd rather be alone despite the cost.
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2. |
Suffer In Silence
03:29
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How are we supposed to survive in this, our most troubling of times?
Abyss has swallowed all the eye could take in.
Everyone you see here that has smiled is faking
and waiting patiently to die...
So we can bury all the ones that died side by side
in graves just waiting to be robbed.
May my remains be burned inside a fire! I'm so tired I may not view it as a loss.
What hope do I have, after all? It's too late.
I'd rather die than work a job that I hate.
The world just makes me feel so small. Why wait?
I bleed through the clenched teeth in my jaw and feel great.
While I'm waiting patiently to die...
Suffer in silence, 'cause it's not that bad. Oddly, I miss my dad.
I hate he ever had to be a part of all the sorry shit I did.
I'm sorry, again.
I'm glad he no longer has to see...
The way I'm living like a bad disease.
I'm always fighting when I claim to fight for peace.
I NEED to focus more on getting clean.
I look in the mirror and I don't see a human being.
As I wait patiently to die...
It's all MY fault that I've become this way. So full of hate because all those I hate bothered to try.
Last night I dreamed that I had disappeared, but I'm still right here so I may as well have fun while I'm alive.
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3. |
Repulsive Acts
03:45
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I stare at the sun more than I look at the moon.
I need to rest my eyes, stop contemplating my own doom.
I swore I was done with my petty disdain.
My childhood was a differently life, yet memories remain.
THey're the frightening cloud that's hung above my head for years.
They're the biggest reason for this sense of foreboding towards my peers.
Would I go back to stop repulsive acts that happened to destroy the last vestige of innocence? A fragment that I misplaced as a boy.
There WAS a time when I was blind to it all.
This misanthropic life of mine may just leave a scar after all...
Should I consider leaving? That's MY primary concern.
I'll probably just bounce back here, at least from what I've learned.
My only pet peev is trying, step five, then back to one.
I look ahead to what comes next like it's a loaded gun.
I'm not scared of dying, it's the thought of all the people I might miss.
Life's the only fight I've struggled through without my fists.
Everywhere that I look is another let down.
Experts concur that they just weren't living for now.
Every sentence I say ends with "I'll see you around."
Parking lots and yearbooks. If dad had kept them around the touchy subjects to more comfortable approach to relate at all.
How could I NOT try to forget the ruinous things that we saw?
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4. |
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I would rather be alone than depend on another for home.
"Don't go!" my friends are crying out, "Just come home, and maybe we could talk it out."
"Ready or not! Here I come!" I shout to the concrete below.
Share peace of mind if you have enough, 'cause lately I've been running low.
I'm so angry my mouth starts to foam, accentuating my yellowed teeth.
You watch as I self destruct. Watch, as I slowly sink.
Just keep your head straight, pointed up when I leave.
When I hit the interstate we can then look back safely.
A violent past has created a violent man.
I'm SICK of disputing the facts so I avoid them when I can.
True enough, even though nothing goes as it's' planned.
I've pushed myself away. I'm as far back as I bend.
Seems I'd rather be a drunk than end up in a decent home.
It goes to show that my past has a presence here. The present is all I fear.
I'm so sick of hiding away. My issues nip the back of my heels.
It takes too much to get through the day, and the pressure is all too real.
I fear that I've gotten too close, so I leave before you see me there.
It's for our own good, I suppose.
I admit that I'M getting scared.
I tire of running away as my feet begin to ache.
I keep going anyways, I'm easily replaced.
I'm wired on meth again... My teeth fall from my face.
My bones are being held together by an old, worn out shoelace.
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5. |
Popcorn Ceiling
02:37
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What kind of prideful shadow have I become where I'd rather be alone than be proven wrong?
What other hopeless endeavors must we go through to realize I'm just reverting back to who I was before I moved?
We're going nowhere for years until the belt wears away.
We've been blowing hot air lately, and I fear my friends just wish me away.
We'll yell about it tomorrow, how far I've come.
How far can any feelings go when they're ignored with assistance from drugs.
This train derails. I am tethered to the caboose.
I won't like, I've been hurting bad. That has nothing to do with you.
"But what's this feeling that I've been feeling that's accompanied by overwhelming static in my ear?"
I touch the ceiling, the popcorn ceiling that crumbles beneath your fingers to be vacuumed up in years.
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6. |
End Unholy
02:54
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End unholy, spread before me with a pain that rattles to the core.
End be spoken from the form that creates and kills it all when bored.
I hope that by the time the two of us lose it all we find a middle ground.
We're flipping through mistakes like pages in a tattered notebook that we found inside the ground.
It tries, it fails again. All I can do to keep it in. There it belongs, and there it stays.
I'm grateful for my friends, as they remain as a distraction. How I long to see a friendly face...
Dirt has shifted, we have drifted too far for your fingertips to clasp around.
Our twisted minds are gifted with a voice that oozes, dripping glass that slices through the lies and flies into the darkest heart where it is never seen again.
I saw it, now I'm blind. I still can't remember times farther inside my riddled head.
It tries, it fails AGAIN. It's all I can do to keep it in.
There it belongs
There it stays.
I'm grateful for my friends, as they remain as a distraction.
How
I
Long
To
See
A
Friendly
Face...
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7. |
Disassociate
04:41
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We weren't meant to battle common sense with this stubborn ambition we present to those with oceans that they've locked behind the windows of their souls.
Tell them what's the matter. Mama's fixed upon EACH worn description of the men that are causing the commotion when they knock her to her elbows for control.
When you see the daylight claw and crawl into the safety of the words I just can't say right.
All in all, I'm but the man you raised. We'll die one day for certain.
I hope that day comes hurdling, and you're hurting in your bedroom by yourself.
They could be guilty of even half the things that your mother's claimed they've done.
Do what you feel relieves. If anything you discover really does, OH GOD! I hope you share, 'cause I'm teetering towards a meltdown of my own.
They hurt you. Now I'm gonna make them pay for every tear that rolled its way across your face.
What's worse is how when the sun's up in the day you're stuck in here; holed up inside 'cause you're afraid.
You hold the sheets until your knuckles turn a brighter shade of white.
Look through, disassociate.
Your nightmares, every night a stark reality.
They hurt you now so every night you see their faces in your dreams.
Look through me, disassociate.
For every tear that rolled its way across your pretty face...
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8. |
The Abyss
03:56
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These filthy, guilty hands of mine that never did commit a crime.
These needy, greedy eyes of mine drink the details of your face and memorize the lines you know I'd never cross.
Please, quicken my heart 'till it stops and I drop dead onto the ground.
Don't wait up, I'll be right there to wish that I could trade places with anyone other than me. Wish to be someone she'd run away with; to travel with into the deep abyss where we live, we learn, and we die.
Do I need to reassess the same old place I've been in for six years of my life?
It's what I WANTED, not needed.
Why do I care this much where SHE is?
I need to leave that girl alone. I just need more time on my own to work out the kinks. Some time to think...
But damn, she just consumes my mind.
I think of you all night and day 'cause I've nothing better to do.
Let's abandon all hope, run away. Run together into the abyss where we'll live, learn, and die.
People so far away feel so close to home, but that's just a fantasy. I'M better off alone.
Still there's times where my mind wanders...
When she lays her head on my shoulder, God could that mean anything?
Maybe one day when we're older she'll want to spend her time with me in the abyss... after we've lived, we've learned, and we've died.
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9. |
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Bracelets as white as our faces, true enough we've been at it for some time.
Traces, ever fading places. The problems we've avoided our whole lives.
Times spent on futile regrets, when we could've faked being happy this whole time.
The crimes went on while degenerates took off out the window with our lives.
Warmest arm inside a cold car, will we make it to the next bar?
I keep seeing ghosts when I speak. Could YOU provide the affection I need?
'Cause oh lord I wish I was dead,
or at least just happy instead.
I wish that I got more sleep.
Man, I wish I even had a bed.
OH LORD I WISH I WAS DEAD (times infinity)
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10. |
Sober Thoughts
03:54
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She stood alone on the porch fifteen minutes before she arrived.
Hallucinations, of course. Hey, I get it. It's a terrible time.
Though I'll admit it that the two of us are broken, I'd rather live life broke with you than see your dreams not turn out just as you imagined they would do in your teens.
The two of us wanna go to Colorado where we can build a different home out of the tents we interwove like branches, stretched out, laid like bones across the night sky when lightning strikes.
Bambi's got her eyes wide and they pulled me inside.
I contemplate the risk of losing her to my mind.
It's selfish just to say that I wish she were mine.
Sweet Bambi knows I adore her, but it's different. I wanna keep her around.
I'm thinking of the years forward, when we've been this way AND we've figured out.
What's this damn connection? I know you have to feel it. So do I!
The hazard signals blink out into the storm, but we are safe and dry inside.
Thunder won't scare you anymore when your hand is wrapped in mine.
There's other confessions I have to tell you, but they'll just scare you away. Tomorrow brings different meaning to the foolish old things that I say.
Oh, that I will say until the end of our lives.
Like wine, it COULD be stronger if we gave it time.
It's selfish when I pray that I wish she were mine, but Bambi's got the wide eyes and I'm hypnotized.
Oh, maybe someday soon I will hear you say that you are mine and we will both go tell our mothers that we leave tomorrow night.
Pack our bags and all of our pets and go lead a simple life where I'll write songs just to tell you how glad I am that you came.
Your arms may latch around my belly and you may say you feel the same.
Oh! Then I wake up alone every time.
It's lonely nights like this one where I wish you were mine.
I won't go back to sleep with this girl on my mind.
I still see her like I'm dreaming... her face memorized.
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Chelsea Hates Me Elgin, South Carolina
Chelsea Hates Me is an experimental solo act made for people who’ve made a lot of mistakes. I retired this project
for
freebasedpropane.bandcamp.com/releases
Because contrary to THIS stage of my life, I'm now sober, and I've started taking responsibility for what I do.
... more
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