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Vices, and Those That Have Them

by Chelsea Hates Me

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1.
Pissing In the Wind 03:38
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I feel like I'm pissing in the wind and nothing I do really counts. I haven't got paper to spend, but I spend all of my time laying around. How can you misunderstand when I've filled up notebooks describing how beaten and tired I am? How could you think that I'm lying? Because I've spent so much time fucking lying. I lack the motivation to ever come close to the top. I'll lay on my couch complaining and waiting for the day I finally drop. I promised my friends I would quit drinking and get over this hump. I claw my way out of this pit to the rooftops and wish I could jump. I wish I had the balls to jump. I'm dealing with life, growing old, and starting not to care anymore. I will forget, so I'm told. Towards that I'm looking forward. Dust myself off, and move forward. I lack the motivation to ever come close to the top. I'll lay on my couch complaining and waiting for the day I finally drop.
2.
Someone To Talk To 03:30
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I sat on my ledge for six whole hours with illusions of privacy. Inside my fridge a demon towers and plays the organs inside of me. I made friends this year but I lost more. At least I'm happier than I once was. Full of fear I threw a torch to almost everything except my drugs. "If I'm pissing you off just let me know and I'll go home. I just need someone to talk to. I don't need to be alone." Homeless man in an alley has my suicide note in hand. I'm selfish 'cause I've somewhere to walk to, and HE couldn't even stand. Mark my words, I'm well aware of any problems that I may have had. Liquor first even though my friends were there. I guess this issue didn't seem so bad. I walk the street until I crash and burn. I HOPE I MAKE IT TO THE HOUSE TONIGHT!? HOW'D I KEEP TAKING THE WRONG TURN? Cause I'd cross the street with my eyes shut tight.
3.
Square One 03:20
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Back to square one, I cracked my first one in two weeks. Now I'm drunk, but I'm still not quite happy. It's just that I'm ALONE, and these four walls LOVE to scream that I should KILL MYSELF because I FUCK UP EVERYTHING. MISERY TAKES OVER ME I hold my head up high and pray that I would die. Maybe this is why I'm alone. 'Cause I can't even make it a month without beer that taste like shit. That doesn't MATTER because I STILL drink it. I hope it ain't a test, because I'M just far too depressed. Maybe there's hope? Anything can change with time. But is time REALLY passing when the sun don't come to shine? I watch my brother make the same mistakes as me, and I see my FEAR in HIM when I gaze into his eyes. I need a class or group, but I HATE PEOPLE. I feel like I have NO USE, or that I'M INHERENTLY EVIL??
4.
Booze Themed Calendar 04:10
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Oh, I can't get any sleep without her laying next to me. My reflection melts around the love/hate affection I have found. My bottle of whiskey, how I love you. I only wish you loved me still. Fuck all my friends and family? They can do without? This, in my mind, you instilled. I'm gonna fucking make it through this all 'Cause I don't need no alcohol. So many dates I lost 'cause I was married off to you. My calendar suffered to booze. Break out in fever, lay alone 'cause I'll hurt anyone to cope. Brothers I hear you call my name, but I just lay in bed all day. I know you miss me, and I love you but quitting drinking ain't a thrill. This binge I've been on is damaging my mind. If I keep it up I'll end up killed. "I swear we'll make it together through the shit," every one of them say and I believe it. So many drunken nights spent wishing for my end when all I needed were my friends.

about

So much has happened in 2018 that I thought it'd be best to hold this one as a hope for the new year.

I got stuck in Charleston after a relationship that went south partially because of my unchecked mental illnesses and partially because i was a bitter, drunk piece of garbage to everyone. Honestly it made me feel suffocated. I was writing but I couldn't PHYSICALLY make myself record (a task which generally takes me hours.) I wasn't having fun doing this anymore, and I was more focused on "WHY DOESN'T ANYONE LIKE ME?" It's taking a lot to get over that, and I won't say it's a battle I'm not still fighting. After I left my relationship I was robbed by different people, had to beat someone up after they pissed on my floor and a notebook that took me five months to complete. I made friends, lost friends, and I'm still figuring it out with some of them. I kinda got too heavy into drinking, and it's taken a toll on my body and my mind both.

I won't lie and say I'm sober. I CAN'T lie. I refuse to do it in this music.

I don't care who hears this EP.

I put this out because I wanted to FINISH something before this shitty year was done eating me alive.

AT LAST. PROGRESS!

I owe my life to Keswana, Derrick, Eric, Stephen, Brennen, Brad, Wyatt, Rachel, Memo, all of my friends from Koalie's place, TODD, JORDAN, Jade (but you already knew that, bitch) and most importantly to my mom, and my dog Caroline.

Mom, I don't know how I'd have gotten through this year without your help. I'm sorry I never listen, and I love you so much, man.

Kalime, if you read this then I’m truly sorry for everything that’s gone down. Hindsight is 20/20 and there’s a lot I’d do differently if I could ever go back to change it. I’ll get better eventually, and hopefully that’s soon.

Thanks to everyone else. You guys are seriously so important to everything that's going on here, simply because you've applied so much of yourselves to keeping me from drowning. I know it's rough when the person you're trying to save fights back, and I'm working on it. Thank you all so much.

Shout out to my roommate Juan Sebastian Barcenas who thinks it's okay to hit girls. Fuck you, guy.

credits

released January 1, 2019

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Chelsea Hates Me Elgin, South Carolina

Chelsea Hates Me is an experimental solo act made for people who’ve made a lot of mistakes. I retired this project for
freebasedpropane.bandcamp.com/releases

Because contrary to THIS stage of my life, I'm now sober, and I've started taking responsibility for what I do. ... more

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